My friends, they love my intelligence
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Farmville is her only friend.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
