i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
