you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
