all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
