yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
