Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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