I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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