Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
