Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You took a bar mat shot.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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