did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
