I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
