I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
