Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
