remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
