Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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