the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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