I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We named our party play list daddy issues
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
