Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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