Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
