I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
There's always time for handjobs
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
