I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
