hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
