he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
