im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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