I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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