I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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