There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
