he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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