just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
