I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
