dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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