don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My vagina is officially offended.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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