there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
