we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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