Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
