Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
