yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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