just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
