what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
