There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
