I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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