how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
