my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
