HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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