I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
