he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
