Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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