If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wear drunk well.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
