I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
