I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
