i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
