Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
