Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
